(Previously published October 16, 2010)
Oh what a beautiful week it has been.
How I so love the life that God has blessed me with. Wishing that breast cancer didn't need to be a part of my life, but thankful for how cancer has opened my eyes to so many blessings staring me in the face each day. Blessings that I took for granted. Blessings from the hand of God.
As I was picking up the house yet again this evening, I was so tired (I know I'm a broken record on that one!), as there was a big pile of laundry calling my name from the laundry room, dishes were in the sink, homeschooling books still on the kitchen table, the counters had gathered odds and ends from the week still waiting to be returned to their rightful place, and the mudroom floor was littered with shoes from a girlie size 10 to a teenage size 11. The house was abuzz with noise from upstairs as the older boys were laughing and carrying on about their day tomorrow.
As I emptied the laundry basket upstairs, adding it to the pile already accumulated downstairs, I walked by my husband who was so graciously helping me get to the bottom of the dishes in the kitchen sink. In that moment, I told him, that I so wanted the house to be quiet and the piles all gone, that my body was tired and the day had been long, but I know that in too short a time, that will become our everyday. There won't be piles of laundry, shoes scattered, crumbs speckling the floor, laughter gracing our halls or feet running through the kitchen. They will be grown and acting more adult-like, forging paths of their own outside these four walls. I'm not ready for those days. These days go by too quickly as it is. And it is in those moments that my mind reminds me of my cancer and my fragility. And that none of us know what the future holds. That each moment should be mine to cherish.
By the hand of God, we have been blessed with 6 beautiful children. They are not ours. They are His. I know that deeply as God called Joshua home way before I was ready to let him go. They are on loan to us. God has asked us, no He commands us, to love them, to train them, to instruct them in righteousness, to teach them about God, to discipline them, to make disciples for Him. That is what God asks of me and that is what God asks of you. Our time to do all this and more, is so short. I don't want to miss a minute.
None of us know the number of our days. Cancer reminds me of that daily. That life is as James said, a vapor, a moment in time. How I want to make those moments count. The time God gives me to be a wife, a mother, a friend. I pray that it is long. I pray that He allows me to see my children graduate, be wed to the spouse He has chosen for them, to be a grandma, to hopefully see them walk in a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and serve Him with the gifts He's given them. It fills me with joy just thinking about it. But I don't know. And so I take each day, as crazy as they are around here, and I invest in their sweet hearts and while I'm doing it...pick up the messes along the way thanking God for the time He has given me and the abundant blessings.
The week has been busy. I had my follow up appointment on Wednesday with my integrative doctor (Dr. Bazzan). He had run a whole slew of bloodwork, testing heavy metals, doing an estrogen panel and then a ton of other blood work. We went over all the results and he was very pleased with my results. He made a couple of changes to my supplements in light of the results, but was very optimistic about how my overall body was handling the stress of chemo and how it was fighting the cancer.
I had a Vitamin C infusion that day, as well. I must say, as I have walked this road marrying conventional medicine with alternative medicine, there is a lot of wisdom in both camps and if medicine would only see the merit in bringing them together easily for everyone, I think disease overall would look quite different. So much starts with diet, nutrition and exercise. You can't put kerosene in a car and then think it will go very long or very far. Why we think we can do that with our bodies, I'm not sure. Anyway, I thank God for how He has lead me along this path.
Overall, it has been a wonderful, non-chemo week. The boys continue with their football and racing season. Seth's team is undefeated and have their first play-off game tomorrow. Barclay is taking Luke and Ben to their 2nd to last dirtbike race. Seth is bummed to be missing that race, as it is his favorite track, but knows that he made a commitment to his football team and that is where he'll be. And I'll be standing on the sidelines, cheering him on!
May you too, be enveloped in the many blessings given by the hand of God. May we all have eyes to see them, not needing a disease or a hardship to open our eyes, but just a heart filled with thanks and gratitude toward God for all things. God is good, always.
"By the God of your father who will help you, And by the Almighty who will bless you with blessings of heaven above...." Genesis 49:25